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Monday, July 15, 2013

I might burn the house down, but you can laugh all you want.

Have you ever had a nightmare that freaked you out for years? Except it was not a nightmare, it was a manifestation of a phobia. That happened over ten years ago, and then again last night.

I have been sitting here for a while trying to figure out how to explain it in a nice neat blog post. But I can't. So instead I will copy and paste excerpts of what I wrote to a friend last night:

Never mind never sleeping again. Went to pee before bed and felt something on my shoulder. I thought it was my hair so I went to brush it away and a god damn house centipede ran across my chest. I am now screaming at the top of my lungs frantically trying to brush their s thing off of me. And I am still peeing. All down my leg until I finally get it off me.

And DH comes to the door and asks me if I am okay. Which I am not. And may never be again.

So he comes in and I am standing there shaking. Naked. Pee running down my leg. Pointing at the place this thing has run. Trying to tell him to kill it and he manages to get the point, kills it and starts laughing at me.

Now he is settling down to sleep and I am twitching every time the wind blows.

Laugh all you want. Just tell me how to make the horror end.

There has to be some sort of natural predators to the things. They are one of the only bugs I am terrified of.
Maybe some lizard. I could breed them free range in my house.
Lizard poop is totally preferable to this experience.

He is now snoring and I want to die.

I can not think clearly.right now. I just want to grab my family burn down the house and start over.
This is the second time in my life these fuckers have attacked me from above

So dear readers, I am running on almost no sleep, twitching and jumping, and terrified of peeing. You are welcome. Also, do not google how to get rid of them because this leads to pictures of the creepy ass mustache fuckers which TOTALLY DOES NOT HELP THE TERROR.

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